Oscar Wilde once said that the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

And it would seem that all our ears are burning. Flooding and insurance is perennial front page news these days.

Bad news, but news nonetheless.

Though it is galling to see the media incessantly beating its “big bad insurer” drum, the catastrophic floods over the last month have given some of us the chance to speak up.

So when the BBC called for the second time in as many weeks, I (somewhat naively) assumed they wanted to talk about loss adjustors, flood defences and household premiums.

Instead I found myself stuck between a potato farmer and the revelation that the price of broccoli had soared by 70%.

I might fancy my chances knee-deep in a Thames Valley riptide, but there’s no way I can compete with two varieties of vegetable.

Having defined, in the most complicated way, the not so complicated concept of “demand surge”, I was promptly ousted in favor of grossly inflated peas.

I skulked back to my desk, wondering if my fame and reputation would be as short-lived as the realisation that the government has reneged on its promise to plan for – and protect – its people.

With insurers being blamed by the uninsured (and in many cases, the insured as well) one wonders exactly what the industry must do in order to gain an ounce of credibility – or at the very least, a complimentary set of wellies and a firm handshake from a satisfied customer.

Until that day, the plan is:

Don’t pick up the phone. And leave the broccoli be.