Backchat had to get the builders in to widen the office door last week after the editor's head got so big because he had appeared on TV so many times to answer questions about the floods.

Like the rest of the staff, Backchat was getting bored with the media tart's stories of his soundbites and witticisms. But then the editor finally appeared on a terrestrial station and Backchat was able to see the great man in action.

And what a stuffed shirt he looked. Appearing on the Big Breakfast, Channel Four's laugh-a-minute morning show, Backchat couldn't help thinking the editor looked the perfect insurance man in his boring suit and plain tie, while the rest of the studio was peopled by scantily clad women and young blokes in jeans.

And then when presenter and current Loaded covergirl Donna Air enlisted our man to her “Toon Army” and made him wear an army hat while answering the phone it became truly ridiculous.

“The calls have been flooding in,” he joked. But nobody laughed.