In the first of a weekly series, Guy Browning takes a sideways look at insurance jargon
A is for . . .
Ab initio
A fitness programme designed to firm the stomach muscles
Abandonment policy
A sloppy policy you write when you can't be bothered to do a proper one.
Accident
When underwriters get the risk slightly wrong
Accidental bodily injury
Stapling a policy to your tie
Accord and satisfaction
Advanced sex play involving ropes
Accrued interest
The struggle to find your boss's jokes funny or entertaining
Acquisition expenses
The cost of buying your boss a drink before asking for a pay rise
Actual total loss
The preferred hairstyle for men who work in accounts
Actuary
A cross between an accountant, a bookmaker and an undertaker
Ad valorem
The inability to work out whether you get any value from advertising
Addendum
The last word, usually had by a woman
Additional perils
Getting your finger stuck between the buttons of a calculator
Additional voluntary contribution
The gap on your credit card slip where you can add yet more service
Affidavit
Welsh lawyer
Age admitted
29
Aggregation
The growing feeling of irritability you get filling out a really long form
Allotment of bonus
Mystical process by which your boss gets a much larger bonus than you do
Amortisation
Feeling you get immediately after sending a rude email to the wrong person
Antedating
Someone in favour of arranged marriages
Apprehensive period
Anxious time after amortisation
Assignee
The sound of a broker sneezing
Automatic reinstatement
What your partner does to anything you move to somewhere more convenient for you
