In the first of a weekly series, Guy Browning takes a sideways look at insurance jargon

A is for . . .
Ab initio
A fitness programme designed to firm the stomach muscles

Abandonment policy
A sloppy policy you write when you can't be bothered to do a proper one.

When underwriters get the risk slightly wrong

Accidental bodily injury
Stapling a policy to your tie

Accord and satisfaction
Advanced sex play involving ropes

Accrued interest
The struggle to find your boss's jokes funny or entertaining

Acquisition expenses
The cost of buying your boss a drink before asking for a pay rise

Actual total loss
The preferred hairstyle for men who work in accounts

A cross between an accountant, a bookmaker and an undertaker

Ad valorem
The inability to work out whether you get any value from advertising

The last word, usually had by a woman

Additional perils
Getting your finger stuck between the buttons of a calculator

Additional voluntary contribution
The gap on your credit card slip where you can add yet more service

Welsh lawyer

Age admitted

The growing feeling of irritability you get filling out a really long form

Allotment of bonus
Mystical process by which your boss gets a much larger bonus than you do

Feeling you get immediately after sending a rude email to the wrong person

Someone in favour of arranged marriages

Apprehensive period
Anxious time after amortisation

The sound of a broker sneezing

Automatic reinstatement
What your partner does to anything you move to somewhere more convenient for you