Malingerers aren't malingerers, we are now told. No, they're actually victims of "apparently disproportionate outcome" (ADO) syndrome. According to HCML's Helen Merfield, this heart-rending syndrome occurs when the sufferer is convinced that they are more unwell than they actually are.

And the remedy? Months of rehab with insurers footing the bill, of course...the reinstitution of national service would be more effective, if you ask Colonel Backchat.