Graeme Green, writer of the fantasy game Virtualia, this week created a Jeffrey Archer-esque tale of murder-mayhem and elections. Next week, Insurance Times will publish the winners and losers so far as more calamities strike the fantasy island. Full details on the website at

The New Windemere mayoral elections descended into chaos this week as a loaf of bread was duly elected.

The result occurred as a result of "squabbling and confusion within both political parties". Both candidates, Billy Vague and Phoney Flair, were dogged by slurs of dishonesty and in-fighting. This left the path clear of dark horse candidate, LO Bread.

Meanwhile, the palatial home of Haramas Harahaha, who is seventh in line to the Crown of Leaves and Dung, was ravaged by fire this week. Foul play is suspected. The mansion and its contents, valued at £2.5m, were ruined. The bodies of Haraha and the family's nanny, Klaudia Schniffer, could not be found.

Harahaha's wife, who was away with her three children says Harahaha could have torched his own home: "I wouldn't put it past him, he's so slippery he could grease the moving parts of steam engine for a year and still have some left for his hair. He's been after that tart for years."