The recent Carlisle floods were a dirty business, according to GAB Robins response team.

Media reports said the local police station was so polluted that even now, anyone approaching has to wear full toxic suits, and GAB Robins field staff in the area are taking detailed records of what is floating around their feet.

A GAB Robins spokesman said: "The amount of different faeces in the water has to be documented to such a degree now that many have to be graded by intensity."

A case, Backchat thinks, of ‘logging the logs'.