So the Health & Safety Commission (HSC) is urging people to "stop concentrating on trivial risks and petty health and safety" and focus on real risks instead.

Well, Hallelujah. But isn't this just a tad hypocritical, given that it is this selfsame HSC that has allowed teachers to face prosecution for slapping suncream on kids, outlawed the use of tombola at village fetes and banned British Bulldog.

Colonel Backchat would like to take you back to those halcyon days of yore, when the school bell heralded British Bulldog in the playground - good, honest, character-building fun, and if a few fat kids were humiliated in the process, so be it.

So it's a bit rich for these health and safety oiks to backtrack, after spending the past decade destroying the British way of life.