Guy Browning takes a sideways look at insurance jargon

H is for

Hailstorm insuranceThe distance away from your boss you have to be to avoid being covered in spittle during one of his motivational briefings

Hazard - The sleepy feeling you get in the middle of a really long meeting

Hedging - Waxing in the bikini area

Hold harmless agreement - Women who like to give non-sexual hugs at every occasion

Honourable undertaking - Passing someone in the fast lane by driving in the slow lane, but for all the right reasons

Hull insurance - Cover you can get against ending up in Hull

Hybrid policy - Insurance for orchids

I is for

Impact damage - Failure to make an impressive entrance due to banging head on door

Implied condition - The tricky time when someone looks pregnant, but hasn't announced it yet

Implied warranty - Announcement of pregnancy and end of implied condition

Inception date - Unnecessary detail given with implied warranty

Incontestability clause - Arrangement by which when a married man says something it is automatically wrong

Incurred losses - Credit card statement

Indemnity period -Short period after gift-giving when man is allowed to be right

Instant certificates - Term for toilet paper at Lloyd's

Insurance - Money for nothing

Insurrection - Unnatural sexual arousal from underwriting